I'm curious if you’ve ever felt exactly how I’m feeling right now. I’m sitting on my living room floor, Luke is upstairs napping (could wake up any second or could sleep another hour...who knows!), I haven’t showered yet today, but you better believe my coffee is sitting right next to me! I have yet to clean up the toys Luke was playing with this morning because I wanted to make sure I had time to get what I needed to done while he is sleeping. I feel as though there is a million things that need to get done, yet I just want to take a second and write what’s on my heart.
My husband, Tim and I are currently in this season of newness, craziness, and uncertainty. We are new parents who are loving the craziness parenthood brings, but are living in the uncertainty of what life could throw our way at any second. Tim has been in business for himself for a little over two years now running a cash based physical therapy clinic. He is one of the hardest working people I know! He has not only made his business thrive, he comes home only to be present and available for our family. I think he would agree with me when I say that being a business owner comes with discomfort. Not knowing how much each paycheck is going to bring keeps us on our toes. Graciously the Lord has provided each month and I am oh so thankful that I can stay home with my sweet child because of Him.
That being said, there is a lot of time to think when you stay at home with a single child. If you know anything about me, my thoughts can go a million directions at once. Some of them have led me to a handful of DIY house projects, some have led me to getting back into running shape, and some of them have led me to an incredible bible study by John MacArther, “The rise and fall of Solomon” that my husband and I are able to do once Luke is asleep. My prayer has been for the Lord to show me how I can use the gifts he has given me now that I am no longer going to be teaching during the school year. I’m excited to see where this may take me.
We are created to be relational with one another. We are designed to long for love. We are made to live life to the fullest. I’ve realized that now that I’m a mom, it does not mean that I have to put my relationships on hold. It does not mean that Luke is now the only person in my life. Don’t get me wrong, the amount of love I have for this tiny human being is incredible and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him, but I want him to grow up understanding God’s intent for our life. Jesus loves seeing us excited and living everyday with the intent of glorifying him. This looks so different for everyone! Doesn’t make any way right or wrong, it just makes us unique!
It’s funny how much I can learn from a 6 month old. Last Sunday, we went to church, and ever since having Luke, church has been a place where we have gone, and literally entertained him for an hour while trying to talk with friends we haven’t seen all week. Tim and I loved that we could go be with community, but we realized we really weren’t getting fed at church because we were more focused on Luke. It was a few Sunday’s ago, when we were out in the cafe at church and Luke was playing on the floor with my friends daughter during the service that I realized it was probably time for him to go to the nursery. The thought of this terrified me. How did my little boy all of a sudden become ready to go to the nursery? Talk about discomfort. So last Sunday, Luke woke up later than usual, had his breakfast and we were off to church. Putting him in the nursery was in the back of my mind, but I just wasn’t ready to let him go … yet. I knew it was probably the perfect time for him to try it out because he wasn’t tired, wasn’t hungry, and was ready to play!
As we were all walking into church, my husband and I looked at each other and said, “Let’s just keep him with us one more week.” Literally no other reason than not wanting to let him go and the comfort of knowing he was with us. As we sat in the service and Luke mumbled loud sounds to every person who walked through the door, we realized it was time. Tim and I looked at eachother and accepted the reality of what was going on. So we walked him back to the nursery and with that lump in your throat when the feels are oh so real, we dropped him off.
I can’t say I heard a ton of the sermon because Luke was on my heart so much, but I do remember them talking about Psalm 23. The Lord was speaking to me that even through all discomfort and uncertainty, He will take care of me. The way God leads us will be for our benefit. What a loving God we have! He will provide exactly what I need and will lead me to the best part of me. WOW! He wants me to seek him and trust that he knows the plans he has for me, but I need to trust him. If you get a chance, please just sit in Psalm 23 for a while and let it sink in. Psalm 23 is a beautiful invitation form a personal and intentional God.
With this idea of discomfort, it’s exactly where growth happens. I see it right within my own family. Tim’s discomfort of not knowing how many new patients he will have next month drives him to work that much harder to provide. Luke’s discomfort of being in a new environment allowed him to grow independently. And my prayer is that I will not get comfortable in this season but push myself to get out of my comfort zone and grow! What that looks like, I’m not 100% sure, but the Lord is definitely working on my heart and I’ve agreed to be along for the ride.
I’m praying my heart will be open to listening to where I am supposed to be and trusting the Lord will equip me with exactly what I need, exactly where I am.
So, can anyone else relate to what I’m feeling? The feeling of discomfort, newness, craziness, and uncertainty is so real. Take the challenge with me this week to allow yourself to be okay with the discomfort. Allow yourself to trust him and seek him with all your heart. Seek out the gifts God has given you in order to serve one another and then let’s pursue this life with pure intentionality!
What’s makes you uncomfortable? Throw a comment below or leave a message on my instagram @believinfreedom.